In late August, 2001, I felt compelled to dig through a box of my old unfinished songs to find and complete this one. Within days of its completion, September 11th "happened." This song is in recognition of those who lost their special one and always that morning...

My cup of china flowers
trembles into morning hours
as sleep is the last thing I will find.
For you won't be lying by me,
you won't talk or tease or fight me
and I won't turn to your touch sometime tonight.

So, feel my love, Darlin', can you?
Where you are, where I cannot go.
Are you ok? How will I bear being apart?
I say I love you. Do you hear me?
I call your name, it rings so clearly..
but then it echoes back and lodges in my heart.

And my body cannot find you
when I turn to curl beside you
and the warmth of your skin is gone from mine.
And my mouth that longs to kiss you
can just yearn and want and miss you.
But, my love, it is with you all the time. so....

(Repeat 1st and 3rd verse)

back to top

Daddy had me sing this for him on his (literally) death-bed. As I sang and we both cried I thought, "How can he want this?" But he did and, later, I got to hold his hands and pet his chest and encourage him in his backwards birth ... waiting for his each next breath, farther and farther apart, until not another came.

Chorus:
But every day's another story
and every night is another poem.
and every moment's another picture
and every place is another home.

Maybe they're somewhere in the shed.
Maybe they're somewhere in my heart.
So many words I wish I had said.
We leave incomplete so much we start.

(Chorus)

Why are goodbyes left so grey?
Why are "hello's" so bright and clean?
Why do we censor what we say?
Why can't we just say, truly, what we mean?

(Chorus)

Maybe they're somewhere on a shelf
in a dusty box that seems to close itself
around the moments and memories of my life
where dreams were born and lived or left or stayed or died.

(Chorus, 1st verse and Chorus)

back to top

Darlin', if you want me around you,
you gotta be a little bit more kind.
I can't juggle your soft affection
with the cold grey steel in your eyes.
You have pushed me to the border
to where I start cuttin' ties
'cause I don't want this kind of jumpy,
"what's he think of me," kind of life.

Well, I know that you've got your routines now.
Worked many years just to get 'em right.
But I'm just a magic woman
with nothin' to add but delight.
Now you've got me locked up,
careful not to cross the line
of all of your conclusions
not to be touched or caressed by mine.

Darlin', do you know what you're missin'
when you look at me that way.
Be quiet for a minute and listen,
try to hear what I've been tryin' to say
'cause if you will not enjoy me
then I'm claimin' back my life.
Yeah, there's a hell of a lot more goin' on,
then you choose to recognize.

'Cause I'm just a little bit too windy
to be tip-toein' 'round in your space.
I never did settle in easy
but, now my spirit is slippin away.
Without my sparkle and my laughter
there's no use chasin' after
some fantasy of a man and me
I couldn't die tryin' any faster.

(Repeat 1st Verse)

back to top

Take her back to the place where the wild waters spill,
where the granite is hot and her soul can be filled,
where the rocky trails wander the wild flower hills...
and the night is huge and bright and still.

Take her back to the place that she used to know.
Let the children run free where she used to go.
Pack the car, close the house and get out on the road
to where the sun is hot and the lakes are cold.

Take her back to the place where the blue-bellies scatter
and the morning begins with a chorus of bird chatter....
and the smell of the pines is pure comfort coming at her.....
and it's clear .. to feel .. and remember .. what matters.

Take her back to the place where you walk side by side
where a hawk on a draft sails watchful on the sky....... and
you remember what you want and your heart no longer hides.
Take her back and find what you've left behind.
Take her back ... take her back ... take her back .....

back to top

This song is so important because there are those who really need it
to be heard and those who need to hear it for the sake of someone they love. Many of us, unfortunately, are one of those people..........
so, with love to hold us:

Chorus:
You had no right to hurt that girl.
But, nobody had any right when they hurt you.
And you had no right to change who she would be
and nobody had any right to change who could have been you.

Runnin' through the Redwood duff,
Oh, it's softer on my feet.
Oh God, where are my clothes?
Back where he threw them after me and
Ooh child, bein' thrown out of a window.
Ooh child, to the rubble below.

(Chorus)

There is screaming in my mind
and my feet: they are so cold.
I fall like rain, deep into the trees,
'til a pretend me takes hold and
Ooh child, stumblin' on.
Ooh, through the woods 'til you can make it home.

(Chorus)

Lookin' up to the stilts below
the house where I was raised.
On the side of a canyon,
in the Santa Cruz Mountain Range and
Ooh child, it's only pain.
Ooh, it's only terror, isolation and shame.

...and Daddy's my Daddy
and there's guns hangin' on our walls
and if I were to tell him,
there'd be a mound in the woods and the law and
Ooh child, it's just too much to bear.
Ooh child, so you were never even there.
Ooh child, with the power of the mind:
we're gon'na cut some cords
though they've connected you to your life.

(Chorus)

Ridin' on the bus to school
then I sit down in my chair.
I remember my math;
I'm not sure of the rules.
Oh God, I'm not even here. and
Ooh child, why are you gone!?!
Ooh child, something's terribly wrong.
Ooh child, I'm on the outside lookin' in.
Ooh child, I don't feel right, I don't fit in.

and in the silence
of the shattered
unscreamed:

She's just the sensitive one....
in the woods with her guitar and dreams.
She's just the sensitive one,
it's not any thing parents don't see.
She's just the sensitive one,
no alarms or anything.
She's just the sensitive one,
a little sad, let's let her be .. and...
Ooh child, it's only pain.
Ooh, it's only loneliness and sorrow and shame.

(Chorus and 1st verse)

back to top

The longing in leaving and pushing on
(or sailing on, as the case may be):

The wind keeps on blowin'
and I'm still headed south.
Get ready on the starboard
Hard alee, we're comin' about.

Chorus:
Hard alee, hard alee, hard alee.
Remember me. Oh, hard alee.

And the sun keeps on settin'
with honors it deserves:
Colors without names
begettin' feelings without words

and the dolphins keep playing
in their jacuzzi 'round the bow
and I don't think a woman could miss a man
more than I miss you now.

(Chorus)

Sirius, my phosphorescent
jewel that looks on me,
Crystal light, she tells the night,
that what should be will be and

somewhere in the distance,
I swear I can hear you callin'
and sleepin' without your arms around me,
I just feel like I'm fallin'.

(Chorus)

The islands are peaceful
and the bahias are calm,
but there's still somethin' missin'
when you don't sing along.

But the wind keeps on blowin'
and I'm still headed south.
Get ready on the starboard,
Hard alee we're comin' about.

(Chorus)

and the soft salt water caresses my skin
as I take my bronzed self to that fisherman.
Since I don't know if I'll be seein' you again....
ahh, this girl's just sailin' on.
Oh yeah, this girl's just sailin' on.

and the warm wind rushes up off of the sea
as we hoist up the mainsail as we leave
and soon I'll be just another memory
'cause this girl's just sailin' on.
Oh yeah, this girl's just sailin' on.

Oh yeah, soon we'll be just another memory
'cause this girl's just sailin' on.
Oh yeah, this girl's just sailin' on.

back to top

If this person is me, why can't I free her?
I still won't let her be where anyone might see her.
and I have thought that love was only there for others
and I was just a waste of pain longing to recover.
Yet I've wailed in thought that I also matter.
But I don't know how to stop the inevitable slide and shatter.

Chorus:
Somehow, the wounded
will find our way to heal.
To see the worth in what we are made from
as honest and real.
We struggle with our systems
we made as children to keep us here
and it's not for lack of trying
that we are anchored to tears.
Oh no, it's not for lack of trying
that we're still anchored to tears.

If this person is me, how can I free her?
How do I let her be where somebody just might see her?
I cannot think that love is only there for others
'cause I've learned enough from pain
and now I wan'na throw off my covers
'cause I wailed in thought that I also matter.
So when I slide, I'll make me stop.
and I'll choose courage instead of disaster.

Chorus:
Somehow, the wounds
find their way to heal.
We see the worth in what we are made of
and that we are honest and real.
We struggled with our systems
we made as children: they kept us here!
and it's not for lack of trying
that we were anchored to tears.

Oh no, it's not for lack of trying
that we were anchored to tears.

Oh, it's not for lack of trying
that we were anchored to tears.

back to top

Do you know what you've been tellin' me?
Can you imagine?
That any love you get can't be
any love worth havin'.

'Cause, anybody can see, yeah.
Ahh, they can look right into you and they say:
anybody who says they love you
well they've got to be a fool.
Well, honey, I'm no fool. (repeats)

Do you know what you've been tellin' me?
Can you imagine?
That any love for you from me
can't be worth havin'.

Well, baby, show some respect now.
Believe a bit in what I do.
'Cause you say that you really love me.
Then love those that I choose
and darlin', I choose you (repeats)

Do you know what you've been tellin' me?
Can you imagine?
That any love for you from me....
Baby, you can't have some

Well, I think that you've got to trust me.
I think I see something you don't
and the next time you feel yourself turnin' away...
Honey, tell yourself you won't
'cause darlin' I love you.
I love things you do.
I love the way you care.
I love the life we share.
I love the way you feel....

Do you know what you've been tellin' me?
Can you imagine?
Well, baby show some respect now.
Believe a bit in what I do.
'Cause you say that you really love me...
then love those that I do...
and darlin', I love you (repeats)

back to top

Fold the mounds of clothes into neat little piles.
Walk down the hall and put away each one.
Kiss each child as she leaves their room.
Put the rags and the rugs in the dryer: She's done.

Chorus:
Rags and rugs mark the end
of a long, full day and now their night begins
until the sun comes up and the kids emerge
from their peaceful sleep right into hers.

Mom, I'm hungry. Can I watch T.V.?
Can Michael come over? Can we go for a hike?
Have you seen my shoes? Will you play with me?
Will you read a book? Can we ride our bikes?

Can I buy a toy? Can we go to the creek?
I need another sandwich, the bread got wet.
Who's on the phone and what are they saying?
Mom, what are you doin' and aren't you done yet?

(Chorus)

There's a list on the table that's a mile long.
Scratch one off, add three more on.
and when will she get to complete a thought
or shave the hair on the other leg off?

Her book's in the loo for when she gets the chance:
two minutes, tops, before the kids advance.
Take a deep breath and be glad of the love
with the one she married and their kids because:

(Chorus and 1st verse)

back to top

But, it doesn't protect me
Oh no, it doesn't protect me
from what you do.

And then you start to float around as though I'm not harmed
by your words, as though somehow, you've been charmed
by some fairy that makes it be ok
no matter what you fire my way.

But, she doesn't protect me.
Oh no, she doesn't protect me
from what you say.

And I live within the world where you submit
to the cruelties of hurt's anger in fear's grip....
making certain that there is nothing to be abandoned:
no love will draw you in and then leave again.

But, you don't protect me..
oh no, You don't protect me....
from what you do.

And I'm still stunned when you turn on me.
But I can't change how or what you see
and I am afraid of what I absorb
through out these episodes of yours.

Because, you don't protect me
Oh no, you don't protect me
from what you do.

(1st verse and refrain)

Ahh, you don't protect me...
oh no, you don't protect me...
Me, who you say you love.

back to top

I grew up in what had been a summer cabin on the side of a canyon, 72 stairs and 3 paths down from "the road":

I rise from my bed,
grab my blanket as I leave,
walk quietly down the steps and out to the song;
down below the house
to where Daddy's sittin' against a tree.
I smile, he smiles and plays on.

Memories of Daddy... ahh they still ring in my heart.
Memories of Daddy and me ... Oh, I was lucky in that start.

Late at night, starry sky,
I wake to the sound of Daddy's whisper
'cause there's a moon above the trees
that he wants to show to me
so he carries me out to both my sleepy sisters.

And it's true that the world
is lovely out tonight.
Daddy's warm so I am warm there with him
and soon I'll be back to sleep,
but somehow more complete
as I say good night and I kiss him.

Memories of Daddy... ahh they still ring in my heart.
Memories of Daddy and me ... Oh, I was lucky in that start.

Late at night, starry sky,
the movement of the Volkswagen has halted
So, I crawl from the bed, peak out my head
and see the valley that is lying there exalted

'cause the fog rolled in and filled it to its' chin,
pillowy and just below our toes
and I see them standing there
with the wind in Mommy's hair
and their arms around each other holding close.

Memories of Daddy with my mother, his wife
Memories of the Brosing family ... we had a pretty good life.

There's a dulcimer and three guitars,
a banjo and some guns
hangin' on the walls of knotty pine
where Daddy drilled in some dowels
to hang things on our house
and one of those 22 single-shot Remingtons is mine.

Memories of Daddy ... goin' plinkin' down the ol' loggin' road.
Memories of Daddy and me: Hold up 'cause I gotta reload.

A shot across the canyon
cracks apart the air.
Daddy's shot rings out in reply.
It's just an announcement,
someone's headin' down the stairs
and more 'n likely, it'll be Uncle Guy.

Uncle Guy brought my guitar
back for Daddy from Mexico
and they show me where to lay my fingers on.
They have me practice in my room
'til I don't buzz or lose the tune,
'til I'm good enough that I can play along.

Late at night, starry sky,
I'm tired but there's no way I'm not stayin'.
So, with my sleeping bag
and pillow beneath my head,
I go to sleep where Daddy and Uncle Guy are playin'.

Memories of Daddy. Kingston Trio and Belafonte.
Memories of Daddy and Guy
and the place that was there for me.

Late at night, starry sky.
I wake to the sound of Daddy's banjo

back to top

I've been swirled by the winds of your ways
and I've been formed by the lies in what you say
and I've been broken by the storms that you create

Chorus:
You are a vine... you are not mine
and you just cling to your tangledwood.
Tangledwood, knarled and old,
polished by your touch and so easy to hold.
Tangledwood, I am your Tangledwood.

Well, you cling to me,
You want to keep me here.
You say there's something in me
that makes your life more clear.
You just swim around my words
but, you can't really get near

(Chorus)

Back out on the road
meeting more and more of you.
It's an ever flowing stream of
what you need and want me to.
No, I will not be staying,
I am only passing through

(Chorus)

You say that I'm the woman you had to find.
I am a product of my times and
I am just the scars you left behind.

I am Tangledwood, I am knarled, I am old
I've been polished by your touch and I'm so easy to hold.
Tangledwood, I am your Tangledwood.
I am your Tangledwood.

back to top

When I was a child, every three or so years, my parents would pile all us kids into whatever station-wagon that Daddy had built beds and drawers in, and a hammock for the baby and we'd travel into the midwest... east to visit the relatives in Missouri and on to Pennsylvania.

....Off we'd go and I felt that I should be let out.

A brown skinned, black haired, barefoot girl
caught Maggie in her stare and they both held on so hard,
as she stood ragged in her yard
of weeds and dust and rocks and brush
and roadside treasure finds:
as Maggie's pulled away in her car,
with her hands upon the door:

Chorus:
Daddy stop! Daddy stop! This place is calling me.
It's where I've lived. It's what I am. It's who I used to be.
That is my sister, my best friend, she is my family.
Daddy stop! Daddy stop! Daddy listen to me.

Driving on, Maggie cranes her neck, until she can no longer see
the children by the road, misty memories.....
Maggie's daddy always called her, his blue-eyed Indian girl
and she drew it in a charcoal sketch and put it in her world.

(Chorus and 1st verse ...... Daddy stop.)

back to top

I dance with my girlfriends, my man friends and kids.
I move with the music like the music is where I live.
But, when a slow song comes filling my air,
I slide across the dance floor until you're standin' there.

And you hold me like silver, as liquid as lust
and I still melt to the flow of the music in our touch.

I tell stories with my girlfriends, my man friends and kids.
I revel in their company like their friendship is where I live.
But, when the minutes build until
too long since we have shared.....
I meander through the crowd until you're standin' there.

And you hold me like silver, as liquid as lust
and I still melt to the flow of the music that is us.

I play music with my girlfriends, my man friends and kids.
I sing sometimes with all of me like the songs are where I live.
But, when it's been awhile since I've seen you from my chair,
I put down my guitar and head out to find you standin' there.

And you hold me like silver, as liquid as lust
and I still melt to the flow of the music in us.

I party with my girlfriends, my man friends and you.
I smooze and I get cozy 'cause intimate is what I do.
But, when the nighttime deepens
and I'm wantin' us to be alone,
I sidle up right close to you and soon we're goin' home.

And you hold me like silver, as liquid as lust
and I still melt to the flow of the music in our touch.

oh, oh you hold me like silver, as liquid as lust
and I still melt to the flow of the music in us.

back to top